Monday
She walked into her office on shaky legs, automatically greeted her colleagues, and somehow sat down at her desk, but she couldn’t get her mind off the only thought that had been ringing in her head since morning: “This is the end. Why me? Why now?”
She froze in her seat and sat there until she heard a voice say, “Let’s go.”
As usual, He came to work early, already checked his mail and schedule, made sure that all current plans were correct, and prepared for a morning meeting with the staff. Time flew by quickly, and there was still a lot to do before the arrival of a key customer. The project needed to be submitted soon.
He walked around his office, thinking over the smallest details of the future dialogue, possible questions and suitable answers. Having collected a complete map of tasks and plans in His head, He went out to greet his colleagues who were coming to the beginning of the working day.
It was a familiar Monday, and everyone was disheveled and excited, animatedly exchanging impressions of their weekend. There was a hubbub of many voices in the room, everything was moving around, moving from a deserted calm to an active working environment.
Only the human eye is set up to detect anomalies, and instantly caught on a dead face. She sat motionless, staring dully at one point. The general movement skirted her without touching her at all.
“Let’s go,” He said, coming up to Her. She stood up, still staring into space, and followed him into the meeting room. The doors closed, and an uneasy silence closed around them.
He took his time and waited until the shadows on her face began to move, She sighed several times, deeper and deeper, and finally uttered one word with withered lips: “Cancer.”
– I felt sick last night, an ambulance was called, and the medicine worked quickly, making a final diagnosis. What should I do now? I do not know, and it does not matter. It’s over. One month.
She was talking, and He was thinking about what He had heard. They weren’t close, and they didn’t know each other. He was the head of a large company and was always involved in the development of the enterprise, while She worked for the company on occasion, but her thoughts and free time were always with friends, in noisy companies of loud events, like a kaleidoscope of colors and tastes rushing by. Always glamorous and well-groomed, She flew in a stream of pleasure, which crashed overnight against the wall of a terrible diagnosis. The world dimmed, and time stopped. Everything has lost its meaning.
“So now you have to decide how to spend your allotted time,” He finally replied.
“It doesn’t matter now,” she said automatically.
– And what has changed?
This question hung in the air.
She opened her mouth, trying to say something, but not finding the answer in herself, she only asked again.: “What?”
“Yesterday,” He began, “you didn’t know how much time you had left, and you didn’t think about it. But life could have ended at any moment before. An accident, or a conditional brick, or a disease. It’s not for nothing that in ancient Rome, smart people used to say Memento Mori, “remember death,” so as not to be distracted by unimportant entertainment, and to do what really matters every day. Life will end anyway, so it’s better to try to do something important in time.
“But what could possibly be important if I’m gone tomorrow?”
“I’ll help you,” He continued. – The meaning of life is based on the Path that needs to be found. They say that the road is born under the feet of the walking. This is literally the case – a person begins to walk, and footprints remain under his feet, forming a road for followers. But the opposite is also true – the path leading forward becomes visible only in motion. Once you stop, all the paths in different directions look the same, and it’s unclear which one is yours. But once you start doing what your heart tells you is right, you can see the result, hear what people will say about the value you receive, and easily adjust the route while continuing to move forward.
“But I won’t be able to do anything now!”
– It doesn’t matter. All important goals go beyond the boundaries of human life, and they will never be achieved. There is only Now, and the only question is whether you are doing what moves you through life, along your Path, or in the morning you will realize that nothing has changed since yesterday, and in the flow of your business, day after day, you remain in place, not moving anywhere. And at some point, life will end.
“What should I do?” She whispered softly.
– First of all, focus on living as long as possible and getting as much done as possible. Embark on the path of healthy longevity. Go to the doctor and fight for your life. Every moment and every step, you’re either moving towards life or death. You reach for an apple or pizza; you do exercises, stretching and training, or you get lazy; you observe the daily routine and sleep balance, or you have fun all night, and work during the day and then break down.
The pleasure of the sensations of touch, of tastes and smells, is certainly pleasant, it is easy to drown in them, you want to repeat and repeat them. But live them once, feel them, and move on. Each repetition no longer moves you forward, but only wastes your time. “Don’t go back to where you were happy.” These moments are already with you, already a part of you. They will not be able to live a second time. Accept them as your achievement, and move on to the next step.
“What have you done for others in your life?” He finished.
“I don’t understand, what do you mean?” She roused herself.
– How will you be remembered? What will they remember about you after? How have you helped people?
– I haven’t thought about it. Apart from my family and friends, hardly anyone knows about me at all.
– In that case, let’s change the profile of your work. We will remove all routine, repetitive and commercial operations. We have a big social event planned in our city, and there is not enough volunteer social movement to involve different people in it and bring the created benefits to every home. That’s what you should do. The company will provide resources. Your task will be to achieve the maximum well-being of all participants in the city.
Get ready, you’re going now, I’ll arrange a pass for you, and I’ll tell you where. Talk to as many different people as possible today, figure out what they want, what they can do, what they can do. Assemble working groups from them, directly bringing those who can help each other.
Don’t get distracted and don’t waste time on something that doesn’t move you forward. You don’t belong to yourself anymore, so focus on precise, conscious actions. Think about people, their concerns, and how to solve them. You can tell me tomorrow.
And don’t forget about the doctor, about the treatment plan, training and nutrition.
Start your Journey in a new life with the first step.
“Okay,” she said, “the first step, I take it, is to this door?”
– Yes, go, and don’t linger in the office, here’s the address.
Tuesday
She entered the office, and without any unnecessary movements, she immediately went to His office.
When her colleagues found out about her illness, they first began to feel sorry for her, expressing their various treatment suggestions, but gradually calmed down. Life didn’t seem to have changed for them, and everyone decided that She could now do whatever she wanted without trying to stop her. Everyone parted to let her pass, but the crowd quickly closed in behind her, no longer paying any attention to her.
“Why do they do this?” She started from the doorway.
“Is something wrong?” He replied.
– Nothing. It’s like I’m gone. Everyone is kind and helpful, but they immediately look away and disappear. At home, in the office, friends, everywhere.
“You remind them of the finiteness of life.” He said. – They look at you, but they see themselves. And they’re scared. They’re not thinking about you, they’re thinking about themselves. It’s unusual to look in such a mirror. You can’t run away from your reflection, and it’s enough for them to turn away so they don’t see you and don’t think about anything bad. Don’t pay attention, they’re all just afraid and worried about themselves.
“Why aren’t you afraid?”
– I accepted the fact that life can end at any moment. Then the moment of the Present makes sense. You no longer automatically repeat the usual actions, day after day, and all the tasks themselves are divided into essential and unnecessary. Your hand does not rise to do nonsense, and in order to be able to do something important, you start gnawing at this granite of the universe, approaching it over and over again, trying and retreating, and trying again, because the rest is simply not important.
She sat down on the sofa and smiled.
“Yesterday I saw sincere human gratitude!” She said proudly. – It turns out that people don’t know how to find each other, they don’t know how to hear each other.
I can see how the project I’ve become a part of is moving. As it gains momentum, and attracts more and more people. They come, and I communicate with everyone, learn the previously unknown depths of social experiences, listen to how it happens in life! And suddenly I realize that people from very different circles could really form a single whole. It is enough to push them towards each other, and a bond is born. The idea of one is intertwined with the desires and capabilities of others, complemented and expanded by common efforts, and blossoms, giving everyone around the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of common efforts.
“Okay, so what are you going to do now?” He asked thoughtfully.
– I realized that it can help our city, but there are more and more things to do and less and less time.
– Do you need help?
– Yes, from the media department. I believe that their capabilities speed up my work and will allow me to extend it to a much larger number of people.
“It’s possible,” He said, sending a message to someone. – We completed the work on the Customer’s project yesterday, and the department will be able to work on your tasks. There’s still time to throw rocks, and one of them, you can just aim… by the way, where are you going to aim?
“Bull’s-eye!” – She said and left the office.
Wednesday
“How to deal with loss of strength?” She moaned, without lifting her forehead from the tabletop.
They were sitting in the common room, and there was a lot of fuss around.
“Why are you so tense?” He asked softly. – Everything should be done naturally and easily. You don’t get tired of talking with your friends. What do you get tired of talking to people?
“It’s not just about communication,” she drawled. – To get my health in order, I had to go to bed at the same time, completely review my diet, and switch to regular workouts. In addition, I need to stay in the flow of things that I have outlined, without losing concentration on the goal that I want to complete in time.
Each step individually requires attention, and when there are so many of them, and everything needs to be done at the same time, there is not enough willpower and patience. I just want to relax. But I realize that once I stop, I won’t start again. I won’t be strong enough to continue later.
“What should I do?” She whispered.
The hand of the wall clock was counting down the rhythm as usual.
“Yes,” He drawled, “you can’t get very far on willpower. When starting a business, you may not have enough strength, you may not have the will, but if you start straining, then the Ego is exhausted. If you continue like this, it will be difficult to lift your head off the table,” He concluded thoughtfully, pouring himself another portion of tea from gayvan.
After taking a sip, He continued: It makes no sense to use willpower to achieve a goal. Its effect is limited, and the goal is far away. By the time you get there, your motivation will disappear, your hands will drop, and your interest will switch to new fun, distracting you from what really matters. In addition, you have to spend the power of your decision-making ability on every decision, whether it’s choosing the color of a dress, the dishes of dinner, whether or not to exercise or run, and sometimes on something significant that has a life and death price.
And each such decision takes away the daily “power points” available to you in the morning. You spent them on nonsense by lunchtime, and now you don’t have the strength to take the necessary actions or make important decisions. It’s hard for you, you put everything off, and your strength is only being used up in a futile struggle with yourself.
“I don’t want to fight myself,” she grumbled. – I want everything to be easy and simple.
“May it be easy and simple for you, just change your approach!” He continued steadily. – When you have a motive for a new action, you don’t have to try to do as much as possible. You won’t make it anyway.
Direct your efforts to create conditions, surround yourself with the right people and objects, find the right instructions, subscribe to channels that will prompt you and “drip on your brain.” Make work and study lists so that when the will is over, you don’t think about these issues, but calmly follow your list, step by step. So that the selected question goes on by itself, according to the routine.
It is necessary to develop the discipline of correct actions. And habit will make any behavior pleasant and easy.
“And what should I do right now?” She whispered. – There is no strength, there is no will, there is no habit and discipline either.
“It’s just your imagination,” He summed up, getting up from the table. – Many life-threatening diseases occur as a result of fighting low-energy cycles. Let the periods of decline be. Have a rest. Put it all out of your mind. Your next step will continue to be the next one, until you are strong enough to get up and start doing it. Don’t rush yourself, you have nowhere to hurry. I’ll definitely have enough strength for the rest of my life.
He left, and She continued to lie on the table, in complete inner peace.
Thursday
The dance of the energy of the universe was rushing like a whirlwind, capturing all new areas of the universe. The echo of this boundless movement stirred the curtain, which, having at first swayed uncertainly, now smoothly swung open, exposing the stage where the opening ceremony of the round table on the development of folk cultures began.
She was invited to participate in the event, as an already well-deserved and recognized expert by urban communities on the organization of socially significant projects. Her ideas and tireless work have breathed life into numerous issues that have been stalled and postponed for decades, and are now being confidently resolved through the joint efforts of the city’s residents.
In another moment, she would have to go on stage to publicly discuss the moments that tormented people with the other participants.
“Are you ready?” A voice came from behind her.
“Yes!” She answered confidently.
He came over and stood next to her. I examined the hall and the participants. Everyone was focused.
“Why did you choose this particular place?” He asked.
She closed her eyes with a smile and took a deep breath.: This is the center of the intersection of the paths, where it will be decided where we will go next. I want to be a part of this process. At one time, I didn’t understand why I was learning history. The history of the origin of the world, the development of civilizations, the formation of modern states, the construction of cities and the organization of communities. It seemed to me that my inner feelings were more important than what was happening around me.
But after understanding how history shows the process of becoming the present in the past, and allows me to look into the future, I realized that I have always been a part of something bigger. The history of my family, which goes back centuries, is intertwined with the stories of the lives of people around me, and flows into the endless ocean of world processes.
While I was alone and taking care of myself, I didn’t realize how much we were all connected. It seemed to me that I couldn’t influence anything, and no one cared about me at all. Now, with my eyes wide open, I can see all the diversity of our paths, and understand how my life and my every action flows into the general flow, nourishes and directs it.
No matter how many more steps I take along the Way, my every breath, along with the breath of billions of other people, will shape our common future. I can’t miss it or be late.
“Thank you for being here!” She finished, turning to Him.
“You did everything yourself!” He smiled. – Look, your exit, they’re already waiting for you, – He pointed with His eyes at the excited presenter.
She took one last look at Him, and went on stage.
She took one last look at Him, and went on stageFriday
I hadn’t been able to concentrate for fifteen minutes. She reread the same paragraph of the text for the third time, but when the meaning eluded her this time, She got up and decided to walk. My thoughts were on Him.
She hadn’t thought about how She could connect her life with anyone before. And now, when there was no more time, every person, every word spoken or sign made, made sense, began to play a decisive role.
You can try to plan for the future for a long time, but it will be washed away by changing circumstances. You can wait a long time for the perfect tomorrow, but only today is always available, and the only question is who you want to spend it with. And every day She noticed that she was the only one in her place next to Him.
Her feet carried her through the streets of the city, along the paths of parks and historic squares. She understood where she was going to go, and with bated breath she expected to see a familiar neighborhood. His neighborhood.
They met eyes on opposite sides of a busy road, but the flow of people and cars did not prevent them from seeing in each other’s eyes the tender feeling that was growing day by day, firmly binding their hearts and destinies together.
Saturday
Her health was getting worse, but She believed she would make it. They were already on the porch of the hospital. He was holding her hand, and She could feel every beat of his heart… or was it a tremor.
The obstetric ward… the doors… she managed… their hands parted… the lights went out.
Sunday
“We’re very sorry,” the doctor’s words reached Him. – There was nothing to be done. We’ve looked at her medical records, and we don’t understand how she was able to hold out for so long.
The doctor was still talking, but the words didn’t reach Him. The world was filled with emptiness.
“Your daughter is fine,” the doctor’s voice finally brought Him out of his daze. “Do you want to see her?”
“Her,” He asked, coming to his senses?
“Yes, she’s right here,” the doctor repeated. “Let’s go.”
“You’ll always be with me,” He finally whispered, approaching the door.
Monday
Her eyes opened wide…
—
© Vasiliy Deynega, 26 November 2023
Certificate of Publication No. 123112602277
Her eyes opened wide…
